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Tired of being tired… October 4, 2009

Posted by PAS in camping, cancer, survivorship.
Cranberry Lake

Image by J. Stephen Conn via Flickr

After cancer, living life well becomes all about what you can fit into your waking hours.

Since September 1st it’s occurred to me that I’m trying to cram an entire summer into four weeks (summer? where did summer GO, anyway, and how can it possibly be fall already?!?) I came right out of NY State Fair week (where I cooked all but two of my eight entries) into a crazy schedule of camp-outs and dog shows: Sunline Owner’s Club meet-up in Western NY (September 10-13), the Tin Can Tourists Rally weekend at Sampson St Park (Sept. 18-20), the Wine Country Circuit of dog shows at Sampson St Park (Sept. 23-28), an enormous life-changing Town Hall at work to inform us about the upcoming relocation to NJ and IN–all ending with the fall Tear-Down at Cranberry Lake (Oct. 2-4.)

But when push came to shove, despite reservations, plan and good intentions, I managed only the Fair, Wine Country and the Town Hall. As much as I *wanted* to be camping, I was too exhausted by my schedule and by all the tension surrounding every move at work. Friday, I packed the car, cooler and trailer for a good shot at the trip to the Tear-Down at Cranberry Lake. But in the midst of a deluge of rain, I realized that I wouldn’t be in the Adirondacks until well after dark, and I didn’t want to drive up and set up camp in the deluge. After six days at Sampson State Park for Wine Country, I couldn’t face any more camping in the cold and rain. I decided to go to bed early, wake up early and drive up to Cranberry Lake first thing Saturday morning.

It was a great plan — except that I slept in until nearly 10:30. So much for an early start. After exercising dogs, I realized that I was just too tired to drive 3+ hours down the road. So I slept most of yesterday, and slept in again this morning. Now I have to unpack the car (and the camper) and pull the trailer over to its garage off Rt. 57 to put it up for the winter.

My life schedule is ruled by fatigue, and it’s turning into all the things that fit — not necessarily all the things I want to do. Unfortunately, the list of things for which I have energy and time is depressingly short. More and more often, I am angry that fatigue sets in too soon, and that there just isn’t enough non-fatigued time. It’s a bright sunny fall afternoon, and I’m glad I’m alive. I treasured my afternoon meditation. But I still wish I could have been by meditating on the shores of Cranberry Lake…

Now off to put the trailer into the garage for the winter…and then, another nap.

Does fatigue after cancer treatment affect your daily life? Can you schedule things back-to-back, or do you need down time between events?

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1. azahar - October 4, 2009

I don’t notice fatigue as such, but I don’t seem able to do joined up thinking anymore.

For you, honey… I’m glad you’re alive too.

Morning on Cranberry Lake

2. Twitter Trackbacks for Tired of being tired… « Life Out Loud [gaelenscafe.wordpress.com] on Topsy.com - October 5, 2009

[…] Tired of being tired… « Life Out Loud gaelenscafe.wordpress.com/2009/10/04/all-the-things-that-fit – view page – cached After cancer, living life well becomes all about what you can fit into your waking hours. — From the page […]

3. Tami Boehmer - October 8, 2009

Sounds like you have a busy, interesting life. I haven’t noticed fatigue with my chemo too much, but I do see the value in relaxing too. I just had a massage today. What a treat. I figure each day is a blessing and if I do more for myself, it will help give me more days.

gaelenscafe - October 8, 2009

My life is a good one, far better and longer than either I or my docs expected 5 1/2 years ago when I was diagnosed. I confess, when I write posts like this one it feels a little — awkward? — to complain about something that in the big picture is really a little annoyance. I did go camping this year, I’ve earned a new title on my young dog, I *have* a young dog to show, I’m doing exciting things in the kitchen, my yoga practice keeps me centered. Today in bright sun under brilliant blue skies, I enjoyed every minute of my noon walk. The only thing is being tired – and while I, too, see the value in relaxing, something about being tired cancels out any relaxation from the rest.

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