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when we can’t run away… January 14, 2008

Posted by PAS in cancer, survivorship.

I know you can’t physically ‘run’ away from cancer…but sometimes, you can choose to ‘be’ away. I give myself five minutes every morning to ‘be’ away, the ones in between the first alarm and the snooze buzzer. The alarms and buzzers remind me that I can’t give up yet; those minutes in between are all mine.

Once I get out of bed, my time belongs to other things–to radiation and to chemo nausea; to the dogs; to work; to fighting to stay awake through meetings; to carrying on and pushing through. But those five minutes between the first alarm and the snooze buzzer–they are my chance to run away by just ‘being’ away, to escape to where ever I can take myself in my head.

I can’t run from cancer…but in a weird symbiosis, neither can cancer run from what I and the docs are planning to do to it. We’re both locked in the same gladiatrix cage–my body. And like Leroy Sievers posted the other day, when it finally takes me out, I hope someone can see that I beat the crap out of cancer in the process, that I gave cancer as tough a time as it gave me.

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